Gratitude Project: Better Late than Never
For the last few years, I’ve tried to post a blog about gratitude every day in the month of November. This year, November came dashing around the corner like a new driver on Red Bull and so I am just now catching my breath and considering what gratitude looks like this time around. This is a weird season of life – I think that my heart is so full that every emotion lies in waiting to bounce out; like my heart is so close to bursting that sorrow and joy and love and shame and fear and hope just all clang together in a tight space as one or another bubbles to the top.
But I am finding gratitude even as I figure out how to navigate what my pesky little heart means by all of this overflow. Because it is far better to be fully warm, alive and at risk for tears than cold but safely navigating both joy and pain. I guess I don’t want to watch life play out from the bleachers rather than duking it out on the field, despite the reality that skinned knees and bruised egos will surely follow.
Today I’m grateful for the experience of this season. I’ve been surprisingly sad lately about being gluten-free even though it’s been more than a year since that became the new normal. I’ve been laughing with my baby and thrilled to see her laugh back. I’ve been relishing hikes as a family, Adam’s hand in mine, the little jokes and silly asides that make us us. Good and bad mingle just like that, don’t they? Because I crave a decent cheeseburger and a beer and find myself irrationally sad when that is not possible on a gluten-free diet, and then Adam builds a fire in our new fireplace and we snuggle up together as the wind howls outside and I am reminded that this is what matters – this is home and love and family and who cares if gluten-free hamburger buns are less-than-magical. So today I’m going to be grateful for these emotions, if that makes sense. Because life is hard, and I want to be real and honest and comfortable with some tears now and then. But I am not going to live only in the hard stuff either – because every hard thing has created a good thing – like going gluten-free reminding me of the kindness of strangers and the care of my husband, or the pain of a long adoption wait revealing the most gorgeous and unequaled daughter in the world – our very own, meant-to-be baby girl.
Today I’m grateful for the emotional jostling that gives depth and meaning, and for the hope that we can only feel if we’ve lived through a tough season or two. Today I am cheering for my family, drinking deeply of beauty and letting the hard stuff roll through without clinging to it or fearing it. Because we all have hard stuff in life – what makes us different is what we do with it.