Wrangler Dani

I’m sitting on Adam’s couch, which will soon be my couch, looking at empty Crate and Barrel boxes and unwritten thank-you notes strewn about the house, trying to concentrate on What Comes Next and not What Comes Next and Then What Might Happen and How Awful it All Might Be.

I got laid off yesterday. There. It’s so easy to say and yet a wave of emotion comes with such simple words. My boss’ boss called me into his office and I think I just stared at him in shock, waiting for something else to happen, a superhero to burst through the window, a fire to break out, something.  But it didn’t. It was quiet, perfunctory, and oddly every-day, as though he and I had this discussion weekly and were just grabbing a Coke together after our little chat. He walked me to HR, where they thanked me for my service and apologized as I unsuccessfully tried to hold back my tears, assured me that it wasn’t a performance-based decision, that others were going as well, and let me out of the parking garage, keeping my building key, ID, business cards, and everything else that had made me feel like a professional.  Now I’m just another jobless 20-something, driving away with my coffee mug and lotion and treasured, framed picture of Adam and I, feeling lame.

Things are in sharper perspective now. I’m grateful for this timing, as now I have unfettered time to plan and create adorable last-minute wedding things and spend time with out-of-town guests. I’m grateful for an incredibly wise and caring man to partner with in this, who does nothing but encourage me and chase away my inner Chicken Little with his level-headed optimism and amazing margaritas.  I’m grateful for good friends, for (ex)co-workers who buy me pizza and mean what they say, for happy facebook messages and loving phone calls and promises to pray and job-hunt on my behalf.

God is still good. He’s got a plan, and as my almost-sister reminded me, He’s still in the business of picking me up, even when it seems unlikely or just plain nuts.