Wrangler Dani

“Quit thinking about it,” Adam said, “And just write.”

He’s sent me brainstorming tips, bothered me when I’m browsing facebook, and insisted that I’m genius, creative, totally capable of being An Author. He sat across the table from me in a candlelit restaurant in Costa Rica, insisting that he wants me to be happy and inspired and fulfilled and that he’s totally OK with living on less until I scratch said creative itch.

So why do I struggle so to just jump in and do it? Why can’t I just write something and see where it leads?

Because my weakness is worrying. It sounds dramatic and ridiculous, which is precisely why it works.  When in school, I worried about grades and money, when on my own, I’ve worried about friends and money, now that I’m married, I worry about my husband and money.  The funny thing is, more money doesn’t appear when I worry about it.  You’d think that it would.

Oh… wait.  No.

Just like worrying about your chances for a great date insures another night alone with the DVR, or fretting about a raise means nothing of the sort is in your future, so worrying about money causes it to be ever more elusive; in part, I suppose, because nothing ever seems so wonderful once you’ve picked it apart and examined it from every microscopic angle.

So I scour Craigslist for dead-end jobs and wring my hands at the prospect of never being professionally fulfilled yet eternally poor, while all this time, my husband has dangled my dream in front of my very nose and not understood why I could not run with it.

So today I am going to create something and allow myself to love it. I’m going to enjoy this gift of time, to figure out the mysteries of wifeliness and homemaking, and to trust God’s ability to work in the mundane and spectacular.  I’m going to love my husband, have fun with our friends and use my talents.  I’m not giving up on job-hunting, but I’m not worrying about it anymore – today, I’m going to Just Write.