Wrangler Dani

So, Adam and I are in the beginning stages of beginning a beginner’s group of married folk at our church. (Because we’re beginners, too, you know. January 2009! Holla!) I get very fired up about marriage, and I’ve written about marriage and relationships and all the mess and beauty of it a lot on Ye Olde Blog.  But I have yet to write a definitive “why” for how it gets me fired up.

Since we’re being asked quite often why we want to start this ministry and what it’s about, I figured it was about time to get my thoughts on paper. (Since I am a Christian, and this is my personal assignment to myself for my church, I’m going to mention God. Sorry if you’re squeamish, but I promise I won’t waggle my finger under your nose if you’re not sure about Him. We can still be friends.)

I think I began realizing how needed this ministry was when we got engaged. I was working in the world of Manly Men and got regularly teased (“First marriage? I’ll give it three years.”) or given advice (“You need a pre-nup.” “You’re getting married way too young, are you kidding me?” “Why don’t you just move in together and try it out first?”). I knew that this feedback was largely tongue-in-cheek or genuinely concerned and not meant to be hurtful, but after a while I wanted to scream, “Marriage is a good thing! How have we forgotten this?!”

Which I think is what bothers me most about today’s view of marriage. We have forgotten that it’s a good thing, and we don’t champion it like we should. In her book, “Committed – a skeptic makes peace with marriage” Elizabeth Gilbert refers to the ne’er-do-well heterosexual American couples who don’t care about marriage anymore and just flit around from relationship to relationship being skeptical of the whole institution and avoiding commitment in general. Her solution is to open marriage up to those who do appreciate it and want in – same-sex couples. While I’m not sure that her logic stands, it’s an interesting argument and one that needs to be taken seriously.

Why have so many young heterosexual couples become the ne’er-do-wells that Gilbert refers to? Why has marriage lost its sheen? More importantly, does it even matter?

I hold that it does. I firmly believe that one man and one woman are meant to marry for life, and that as such we are called to be living pictures of Christ and the Church. (The Church meaning collective Christians, not one church or denomination. Just so we’re clear.) Even though the Apostle Paul waxed eloquent on singleness, it’s not the kind of singleness we think of today. Paul’s singleness was a celibate, serious affair – not the “don’t marry, just party” style we roll with now.

I think that marriage gets a bad rap because, deep down,we are upset by how spoiled it has become. We throw zingers back and forth about pre-nups and age and maturity because we are tired of seeing God’s beautiful picture of love and relationship spoiled time and again.

I’m hoping and praying that this ministry can be a small part of changing that.

I want this new venture to be a safe haven for those excited about their marriages and for those who need help getting excited. I want us to compete with the world in the most incredible way – while so many search for love in hook-ups, we should be a warm, welcoming, living and breathing example of how God’s power makes the impossible possible – how two screwed-up, selfish people can become a beacon of hope to a desperate world. We don’t have all the answers, but we have a God who works in spite of our imperfections and gives us grace to move forward in love.

I get excited when I talk about marriage. I know that God has huge plans for this courageous generation of happily married folk who are swimming against the tide of pop culture. I know that we hold an incredible truth in our relationships, and I know that these marriages can change the world.

Our mission statement (as of this moment on my little soap-box) is to champion these marriages, to give hope to those who are trying to figure the whole relationship thing out and embrace the calling that God gives every married couple  – to love and honor each other as He does us. That’s not a big deal at all, is it?