Wrangler Dani

We are in escrow on a house. (YAY!) Our bank statements got sent to some random dude by our lender by mistake (BOO!). It was our last day in Orange County, meaning that we had friends to see and meetings to attend and appointments to keep, all of which got instantly canned when we realized that our bank info was being emailed around the globe and our life savings was being trundled off in wheelbarrows by evil gnomes. (Maybe just one wheelbarrow, actually. We’re not that rich.)

Anyway, suffice it to say that I completely panicked. I sobbed on the phone with our lender and I stared vacantly at the teller at Wells Fargo, inwardly thinking “FIXITFIXITFIXITFIXIT!” and trying not to be too obvious that I was one shaky smile away from crying again.

It got fixed. Nobody died, I didn’t kill anyone or yell at anyone or get jailed for trashing the bank lobby, and our life savings is once again secure somewhere in a vault or wherever banks keep our stuff. It’s amazing to me, though, how vulnerable we really are. It felt, the moment I realized what had happened, like everything I’d ever hoped, saved and worked for was going to be gone, just like that. It felt so discouraging and frightening, and all I could do was pray and listen to Adam, who repeatedly said, “it’s going to be FINE” because he’s sensible like that.

Anyway, here’s the thing. Even if it had all disappeared, even if my worst fears had come to pass and some guy in Nigeria bought a palace with my savings account, it would have been OK. I’ve spent so long saving, hoping and yearning for a house of our own that I’ve kind of talked myself into believing that’s what actually matters. The truth is that it’s about what you do with the house, not the house itself. It’s about building a family and a community, about embracing friendships and sharing love. The house, as much as I can’t wait to buy it and fix it up and fill it with babies, isn’t the point.

Everything we have is a gift. I can’t make something mine by clinging to it or demanding that it go my way, I can’t live the future dream if my hands are too tightly clenched around today. I’m glad we still have money in the bank – but I’m also glad that’s not all we have.