Wrangler Dani

Remember how I was feeling all stressed and crazy and completely incapable of rational thought? Well, that last part hasn’t really changed, but the stress and the crazy is greatly diminished, BECAUSE I PASSED.

I am officially a certified Registered Therapeutic Riding Instructor through NARHA. Which is basically just a badge of honor that hollers “I’m good at my job!” Really, I’m the only one who needs a shouting badge of honor, and only when I doubt my life, as I do on a regular basis, for the purpose of making everyone who loves me crazy and myself a basket-case. But I did it. I passed one of the toughest tests I’ve ever taken (barring, of course, Comm Law or anything involving math) and am trying to enjoy basking in a well-earned moment of sunshine.

What’s interesting about accomplishment is that while it’s a big deal, it’s not that big of a deal. Really. I tend to build accomplishments into these all-encompassing Reasons to Have Value, but they’re not, really. I would still have value if I’d gone through all of this and failed, which is a hard concept for me to grasp. I’m the same girl I was before I got certified, just like I was the same girl before and after I got a college degree. I have more confidence now, more experience, but I, at my core, am unchanged in my innate, God-given value. It’s hard to balance a driven personality and a sense of unchanging worth.

I think about my kids, and how their families love them whether they are non-verbal and wheel-chair bound, or whether they are scattered little motor-mouths with sensory issues.  The kids, in turn, love our horses, giving big hugs and soft smiles to all of them, blind to which horses are better-trained, more well-bred or more beautiful. And the longer I work with them, I love them all, even the kids who make me crazy, and the horses who don’t behave in the moment I need them to.

So I am proud of myself. I’m stoked to have gotten through this, and am planning laugh with friends, eat lots of pizza and drink micro-brews tonight in celebration. But I am trying to remember that these accomplishments aren’t why I’m loved, nor what gives me value.