Wrangler Dani

So, I’ve been dissatisfied with this body o’ mine for a while. Okay, so maybe dissatisfied is a little kind. I’ve been moping about in a fog of flabbiness, too busy to do anything about it, too lazy to do anything about it, and too frustrated that my lifestyle no longer lends itself to natural skinniness to actually try to change this sorry state I’m in.

So when my friend Holli said she was also breathing too heavily going up stairs and tired of tight jeans, we decided to do something about it. Being the rash risk-takers we are, we signed up for a month-long Fitness Boot Camp. We bought hand weights, tried on semi-fitted (aka WAY too fitted for this out-of-shape missy) work-out pants and got excited for our first-ever foray into the wide world of fitness.

Dear readers, let me share something from my vast knowledge after having attended two classes. Fitness Boot Camp is called Boot Camp for a reason. There was a moment last night as Holli and I held weights over our trembling stomachs, legs stretched out as excruciating angles, when she looked at me, hair in her eyes, and said “Oh gosh!” which in one wheezy breath pretty much sums up our experience.

The other thing I wold like to note is that Awkward Girl, my library-loving non-athletic super-awkward alter-ego, takes over my body at the most inopportune times, such as in the middle of Fitness Crazyness. For instance, I never learned to jump-rope. I’m serious. I do recall learning to jump in the double-ropes (5th grade? maybe?) but the whole spinning-a-rope-over-my-head-and-jumping-over-it-and-
looking-seamless-and-adorable thing never quite happened for me. My version is more like spin-rope-into-face-catch-on-shoe-drop-rope-start-over-
ouch-sigh-again. Thanks, Awkward Girl.

Awkward Girl also shows up in other places, usually just when I’m feeling like: “hey, I’ve got this”. Pulling the bands from side to side, a band breaks and I give a ladylike “Oh!” …Awkward Girl. Doing step-ups on the curb, my shoe catches and I almost fall over ….Awkward Girl. Jumping across the grass I swing my arms up and back like a windmill, while noticing that the other girls look so compact and professional… how do they do that, Awkward Girl?

I have a theory as to how Awkward Girl came to be. One, after about 4th or 5th grade, I dropped out of soccer and quit team sports altogether. Being on swim team and riding horses, while great for the killer bod, don’t lend themselves to group drills (or jumping rope). Two, I am a little bookish. I know. I kind of fight it. But there’s a side of me that loves Little Women and rainy days and wants to debate the difference between modernity and post-modernism or peruse a thesaurus. Three, I have been in shape most of my life because I just was. I didn’t have to learn how to use fitness equipment, becuase I spent full days riding horses, doing man’s work (construction and ranch work will give you great arms) and toting saddles, lumber and post-pounders around, burning calories just by living, and eating more at one meal than I do now all day. So part of me has been reluctant to even do a strict work-out thing like this, because (in my head only unfortunately,) I still don’t need to work out, my life is a work out.

However, this whole Boot Camp thing is really fun, even though Awkward Girl is having a hey-day and my arms and thighs feel like they’ve been run over by a log truck. I’ll let you know the future adventures of Awkward Girl as they come up… I’m sure she’s only just begun.