There’s a mouse in my house
Or rather, in my vacuum cleaner.
People are coming over tonight, so rather then make them walk through our Cheeto-and-beer-cap dusted floors, (we eat Cheetos, and flicking beer caps with incredible speed and sometimes accuracy is one of Adam’s favorite party tricks. Don’t judge.) I decided to vacuum. I’ve never actually owned a real vacuum before, and certainly have never been good at said appliance maintenance. (Remember when Joey came over and fixed our very-beyond-dead vacuum at House 9? How we jumped for joy and were amazed by the dust and vacuum parts on our living-room floor?)
But despite my abhorrence for the job and general ineptitude, I was trying to vacuum today. Adam had assured me that the new filter would be great and all that, and that keeping it outside under the tiny porch is TOTALLY safe, even if it rains. I believed him.
Anyhoodle, I was vacuuming away, singing loudly, when I saw large <poofs> of dust billowing from my newly-filtered four-wheeled friend. Like the prudent housewife I am, I just kept right on vacuuming, thinking it would be totally fine, ’cause you know, stuff usually just goes away with no effort on my part. THAT’S WHEN I SAW THE MOUSE. Right there, in the place my vacuum just vroomed over. Grey and fluffy and oh-my-gosh-I-really-hope-it’s-not-dead-what-if-its-squished-into-the-floor-but-what-if-it-isn’t-dead-and-runs-under-the-bed-ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Just when I was punching a frantic speed-dial for Nichols Family Pest Control (they have a really friendly guy there, his name is Adam and he kills creepy-crawlies on sight). I peered a bit closer and realized it was not a mouse at all, but a very large clump of crap from our super-clean house that had just been ingested into my awesome vacuum and belched out – an owl pellet of apartment leavings.
Laugh away – but I’m not completely hopeless. I can learn things from ridiculous situations (like, maybe it’s time to change out my contacts, since I was very geniunely fooled.).
Vacuuming Lesson #1 – At least it wasn’t a real mouse.
Vacuuming Lesson #2 – Dust bunnies sound cute. They’re not.
Vacuuming Lesson #3 – If you call your husband with a long question about the filter being very dirty and how the vacuum might be ka-put and then tell him you squealed at a Dust Mouse, he’ll laugh. Be prepared to realize that this is a very weird/funny/gross situation, and laugh too.
Except when you have to pick up bits of said mouse. That’s just icky.
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