Wrangler Dani

When we started leading a marriage group at our church, Adam and I stayed safe. We decided to make a group for “young couples” and hopefully get all of us clueless young childless fancy-free types together for dinners out and good conversations and maybe even a little kareoke. We started hoping that someone would see our floundering attempts at giving lousy marriage advice and come alongside, but no one did. What did happen was that people showed up to our events, and older people were asking if they could come. Our friends started having litters themselves, and before you knew it, “Young Couples” didn’t really fit anymore. We were supposed to be bigger, to open our arms wider and embrace more.  We saw that marriages were struggling in every age group, and we became more and more passionate about supporting and helping those relationships.

So we became “Couples” – and I started worrying about my age.

I don’t buy in to our culture’s fixation on youth. I don’t think that you have to be young and hot and hip to know anything. I feel deferential toward people who are older than me – particularly in the church, where it seems that God gives them a place of honor and wisdom.

You see where this is going. Here we are, called to lead a “Couples”  group of all ages, and every time somebody gets fussy (as people are wont to do, occasionally) I feel bad, and I think it’s because I’m young and dumb and probably screwed something up. But this weekend, we went to a marriage conference with some folks from our church, and I realized that I might indeed be young and dumb – but that I also know that for whatever reason, we were supposed to lead this couples ministry, at least for the last few years.

I know that this isn’t an earth-shattering realization. But I’m learning to accept that sometimes speaking up takes as much humility as shrinking back, and that leadership (and wisdom) doesn’t always come with age. Basically, I’m finally understanding that I don’t have to apologize for being 29. God gave us a calling and place to fulfill that calling, and I feel good that we did so, even though we often feel young and dumb and a little embarrassed by our penchant for hot wings and t-shirts over something more sophisticated; even though we tend to throw together events at the last minute and expect everybody to pitch in, because that’s what young, poor people do.

I’m so blessed that we have a church that doesn’t look down on us for being young, that we are the youngest Associate Elder couple and that we’re loved and appreciated anyway. Now I’m learning to accept this, and, rather than shrinking back from expressing myself, giving advice, or stepping up – based on the cowardly fear of my own youth – I’m going to kick that fear aside and simply embrace what I’m called to do, young and dumb or not.